Burned Out - Week 4 - St. Peter - Pastor Tim Glende
Burned Out
Week 4 - St Peter
Pastor Tim Glende
I pray that you've been blessed by weeks 1 through 3 of “Burned Out”: physical, spiritual emotional. And I pray that today, as we wrap it up, we pull it together. The four legs of the stool are blessed in your life as you live for God, so that you can thrive and not burn out as we dig into relational. And I don't know what your choice or genre is, maybe it's based on your age. What shows you've resonated with throughout your life but if you've watched television at all over the course of the last 40 or so years, some of the most popular shows of all time reveal how important today's topic is. Like if you're a little bit older, it might have been Cheers. That was your cup of tea. If you're like me you hung out with your friends, in the basement of your dormitory and watched Seinfeld in the 90s. If you're a little bit younger or now that Netflix allows you to or whatever, it's on allows you to watch anything and everything, your jam might be Friends.
And I think those shows are also popular every decade or so. A new one comes out that resonates with the next generation of people because we understand how important people are in our life. Like what all those have in common ever since TV shows movies have been produced and created is the power and importance of relationships. Like it's why many of you have gone on Facebook or some other place and taking the Friends survey to see which one you are? Like and how that plays out and what that looks like and what that means
We all know the need for the power of the reality of relationships being a vital part and link in her life. And that's why we're going to talk about. It is a part of the four, legs of the stool to deal with and face burnout and and not go down the path. We've talked about that the last few weeks of compromise compensate and crash. In fact, I would actually argue that today of all for the weeks might be the most important. Before you start throwing tomatoes at me or walking out of here, because, you know, as a Christian, spiritual has to be the most important. Let me tell you why I believe this to be true. Like physically, spiritually and emotionally. All those things are important. We've talked about in the last few weeks, but when you add the fourth leg, but hold it up. And what is so interdependent that all the others are. So interdependent upon it like to be spiritually resilient, sometimes requires you to have a relationship. Like to be emotionally resilient and not burn out. Probably requires you at times to have other people's relationships in your life to help see you through it. Physically, I know this to be true, like when you're trying to carry things out in your home, to make better decisions and better choices, to have accountability, having people in relationships in your life, can bless you. Which is why I believe this to be true today and why it's the most important. Because on the other side, but I also know what can happen. It can cause the whole stool to crumble. Which is why instead of giving you the path to burn out again, you know, compensate, compromised, compensate, and crash. I want you to see how long the way that path to burnout is influenced by relationships. I want to call today the wild-card of the series. Like the burnout wildcard, the thing that is in play today is relationships. Because they can go one of two ways.
Like I know this to be true in my life and you probably do too. Like if you've ever played cards, if you've ever played poker, if you've ever played different varieties of it, you can have the worst hand ever, like A3 A5, A6 and A7, and their mismatched different varieties and Suits. But if you're playing Jacks Are Wild and you get a jack, you now have a straight, it goes from garbage to pretty good. Like wild card. When it comes to relationships, can in bless, you can benefit, you can can make things better.
And yet sometimes relationships are wild cards. And here's what I mean by that, you know, in your life, in your world, the circle you walk in that person that you referred to as a wild card. Like that person at work, who you don't know what you're going to get from one day to the next. Like what word is going to come out of their mouths? What attitude are they going to have? Am I going to get the good version? The bad version or the “Oh my goodness” version.
Like for some of you the wild card is family like when you show up at a family event when it might be a sibling, it might be a parent. It might be an in-law, I am. It might be someone else who's the wild card. And not in a good way.
It might be in a bad way. That instead of refreshing you, they might exhaust you. That infant instead of spiritually blessing you. They might spiritually lead you away from God.
Then emotionally, they might not build you up and help support you. They might rather sit with you and a bowl of ice cream and ruminate and get bitter, rather than better.
Like relationships when it comes to burnout can be wild cards. They can go down the good road and the blessings are they can go down the bad Road and the burnout.
And that's why I pray that you will listen today because I think it's vital and important to have a strong four-legged stool all on level ground so that we don't face burnout and relationships play a huge part in it.
And while I said, it's also the most important week in my opinion, it's probably gonna be the hardest week to preach. Because some of you right now are burning out or nearing burnout, you're compromising, you’re compensating because of relationships that you need to address and deal with, not saying this is easy. I'm not saying there will be challenges, but the circle, you're walking in the friendships that you have, the relationships that are in your life are not good. Or they need to be better.
There are some of you right now who relationally are burning out because you are too relationally connected and overwhelmed. Like some of you have strengths in this area, and some of you are very weak in this area. Some people have to be pushed in, need relationships because they isolate too much, but some people over relationships. Like if you have you, as one of your strengths you love people, you want more people, you have a big circle of people, you want to talk to all the people and it might burn you out. Need to shrink it in order to be refreshed by it. There are some of you are high in empathy and empathy people are amazing people in your life and in the world they will listen to anybody and everybody. They will give you 30 minutes of time to just try and weep and to talk and then they'll go to the next person to do the same thing. If you are high in empathy you love people you let people pour out on you but eventually if you don't address it you can only do so much of it. You will burn out. Like, whatever your strengths are, whatever Direction you're inclined to go. Wherever you're at on the road map today, and maybe you've got this all figured out odds are good. You don't and it can get better. I'm glad you're here because I believe, relational, resilience and relationships are so important. To burn out. To keep us from it and to know what we need to do so we don't have the wild card that takes us down that path because of relationships.
So today I have for you a few truthsand then a takeaway can be very practical, very real, very biblical and there's a whole lot about this that I want you to hold on to, but my goal is that you take something away today and apply it to your life in the year ahead, so that you can be blessed that you can find relationships to help you avoid burnout, and be resilient. And here's the first truth that we need to understand about this topic. It's very simple, but it's also vital and important. Foundational to the reason why we've included in this series and the role it plays the Creator in week 1, we talked about the Creator created us with limits but the creator also created us to be relational. Like, when people say, they don't need it, when people say it's not essential, when people say it's not that important as the other three know, when you go back to the Garden, when everything was perfect, when there were no highs and lows, no sin in the world, God created us to be relational. Genesis chapter 2, it says this. Now this is the day six. God’s made everything, he's already created Adam, the Lord God said, it's not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. God understood that doing life together was better than doing life alone. God, in his perfect creation. Designed the first primary centerpiece relationship for life for husband and wife, God designed us to be relational. Like the Creator created you and me, that was the perfect world. He said, it wasn't good for Adam to be alone.
And not only did God create the world that way. Not only has he spoken those words, telling us, it's true. The rest of the Bible reveals that the Creator created us to be relational. Like, we need other people at different times for different things, and they can bless us. They can refresh us, they can help us.
Like think of Moses as the Israelites are in the desert and they're fighting the war. Every time. Moses' hands went down when he could hold them up because that was what God called him to do to Victory, as they were dropping. The enemy got stronger, but when they were in the air, the Israelites were winning and eventually hold your hands up long enough. You and I will drop them. So, you know what Aaron did for Moses? He held up Moses arms, For think about Jonathan the rightful King. Like Saul’s son and, you know, his best friend was the one God said was going to be the next king. And Jonathan didn't get bitter. Who's better? He didn't seek to destroy. Instead he wanted to refresh and bless his friend. Protecting David kept him from harm and danger, he loved him. Like friendships are part of how God designed us to be blessed. Bible’s filled with examples of it. Press no greater than not, just the created, Created us to be relational but the Creator who was created took on human flesh. Understood it.
Are treated as to be relational is found in Jesus Christ, Son of God In The Garden of Gethsemane. They went to a place called Gethsemane. This is Maundy Thursday, the night before Jesus died. He just spent an amazing time in the upper room with his disciples instituting The Lord's Supper, they went to a place called Gethsemane and Jesus said to his disciples. His 12 sit here while I pray, he took Peter James and John along with him and he began to deep be deeply. Distressed and troubled. My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He said to him them stay here and keep watch. Like he took the twelve with him to the garden and Is our of emotional. Struggle and challenge. And then he went a little further away to pray, to God, to be spiritually resilient, you know what he did. He didn't do it alone. He took his inner circle, his closest three. The ones he invested in, poured out into right along side of his head. Stay here, stay with me, Be by my side. Pray with me. Like that's the Creator who was created. True God and true man celebrating the need and acknowledging the need of relationship.
So I don't want to undermine it, we need to understand it, I want you to celebrate it. But, in order for there not to be burnout in order for us to be resilient, we need to understand that week. Number one we talked about is that we have limits and boundaries. What does that? Look like for us in relationships and what's going to guide the decisions we make and bless us relationally. So that we don't burn out. That's what I'm going to give to you next and might have that truth.
Which leads to this truth. Because we're designed relationally. We're going to look at two truths, strong and healthy, that God longs for us to have in relationship, strong relationships, and healthy ones. And here's why strong relationships matter. Strong relationships are vital They're vital for the other three legs of the stool, the emotional, spiritual, and the physical is. We've talked about over the last few weeks, strong relationships are vital for emotional, spiritual and physical resilience. There's interdependence there. They play off of each other. It's the wild-card factor, and you want strong ones, so that you can be physically, spiritually, emotionally well-being. Now any expert, any psychologist, any person who know relationships and in our world would tell you, strong relationships are vital for physical and emotional well-being. Here's a quote from Psychology Today and some research that reinforces it. Strong friendships, relationships are a critical aspect of most people's emotional well-being. They can bolster against loneliness, decrease anxiety and improve one's physical health, physical and emotional. When it comes to establishing a friendship, a relationship, the quality of time spent together is more important than the quantity of time. I would argue both are important but quality is vital and important. It's not necessary to form a large network of friends. Actually research shows that sustaining just a few close relationships. Friendships can provide tremendous benefit, Research shows that you can't be friends. With everyone. Research shows that having a few close relationships blesses, you more than having a whole lot of ones that have no depth. Relationship relationship experts will tell you the quality of the relationship is far more important than necessarily just the quantity of time.
And they will reinforce you physically and emotionally are vital.
And so does the Bible.
I mean, the Bible reinforces that strong relationships are vital for physical, spiritual and emotional well-being.
And I just want you to see what that looks like that a strong relationship and why it's beneficial. Wisdom words from The Book of Proverbs have a lot to say about relationships. Here's a machine gun, so to speak, approaching five passages. I want you to just highlight and think about the things that, what does it look like? They have a strong relationship, a healthy relationship based on God's Word to be designed for us to be relational. What kind of relationships should I be looking for? If a few are better? What should I be looking for? In those few, I can be friendly with a lot of people. I can be friendly-ish with our church family, but I can't be friends, preferred companions with everyone in our church. So what does it look like? What should I be looking for in people that I surround myself with, in my circle?
Proverbs 12 says this, the righteous choose their friends carefully, but the Way of the Wicked leads them astray, if you want to have strong relationships, that bless you physically, spiritually, emotionally, choose your friends wisely because if they're righteous, they'll lead you to God, if they're righteous. They'll give you Godly advice if they are wicked. If they are bad, they will they will bring you down. Like, they can refresh you or they can exhaust you. They can refine you or they can ruin you. Like, who's in your circle and who are you picking? Are they righteous? It's probably an important piece. Proverbs 17 of friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for a time of adversity, when it comes to friendship and relationship the blessing to us emotionally the blessing to us physically the blessing to us. Spiritually is real. In this life, we will have troubles a friend is there and doesn't run. You will be blessed. It's vital to have this kind of person in your life. The Bible says, God says, Proverbs 18:1 who has unreliable friends soon, come to a ruin. But there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You can't pick your family. Like you got born into it. And there are parts of family that you should maybe consider as a part of today's series of how you deal with people who exhaust you are areas where you need to work at and that friendship needs to be bolstered because it is vital in central to your life. And you want to have that kind of friendship like that's true and that's good. But sometimes it's the friends, the others who are more like family. What they bring to the table, is they’re there in thick and thin good and bad highs and lows. That's what a strong relationship looks like. Blesses, you physically, spiritually, emotionally, Proverbs 27, perfume, and incense bring joy to the heart. The aroma is, it brings joy, it's pleasurable. And the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice, like a friend who gives you Godly advice in your spiritual life who gives you Godly advice when you need emotional strength to avoid burnout and when you need Godly guidance and encouragement from a physical perspective, all those things are found in a friend as iron sharpens and iron. So one person sharpens another.
Like do your friends helped refine, you sharpen, you make you stronger. Or are they dulling you spiritually? Are they training you emotionally? Are they physically? Not refreshing you like as iron sharpens iron. So one person sharpens, another, the people in your life should be people who sharpen you and bless you and refresh you, build you up, correct? You all those things, that's what it looks like a very strong relationship is vital for Spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. And that's what it looks like. And you know what God says about strong and healthy relationships What the Bible wants us to know about strong and healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are a gift from God. They are a gift. Like God gives us so many gifts, at the top of the list, is the most amazing gift. A relationship with him through Jesus Christ. Our Lord, he gives us other spiritual gifts, forgiveness, New Life, salvation Heaven Is Ours. And on the list of gifts, you should count your relationships in your friends, strong and healthy relationships are a gift from God to not be minimized, to not be overlooked, to be harnessed and chosen and prioritized in our life.
Because they'll make us happier. I'll make us healthier. And that's what God wants for you. And for me, this side of Heaven, as much as possible in a sinful world, Like this gift that a healthy relationship is is found in Ecclesiastes, chapter 4. And I want to share this verse because at the end of it is an important piece to what a healthy and strong relationship requires. How many of you may have heard this verse, maybe some of you had it right at your wedding. It's not a marriage text. It's not necessarily a marriage section of the scripture. It's a relational section that speaks to the blessing and gift that relationships are from God. There was a man who was all alone, he had neither Sun, nor brother relationships were lacking. There is no end to his toil, he probably compromised. He had definitely, definitely compensating for, who am I toiling? He asked. And why am I depriving myself of enjoyment? This too is a meaningless and miserable business. If I have nobody and I have all the things that I want. My desire financially, I'm still missing out on healthy relationships, strong relationships are a gift from God. They are vital. The writer, Solomon th,e wisest man, maybe who ever lived, acknowledged. And this is why that's the case, two are better than one. Why? Because they have a good return for their labor. Why? Because if either of them falls down, one can help them up. There's assistance. There's provision also to lie down together. They will keep warm there. There's the blessing of companionship and closeness. The one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves? There's protection, like, all sorts of blessings gifts from God, that that relationship can bring. You can see why it applies to marriage and the closeness of that relationship. But here's why this text is often chosen for wedding days in marriages because it reveals an important principle. That's vital to strong and healthy relationships. Two is better than one, but 3 is greater than 2. A court of three strands is not easily broken. Solomon said, the implications and the takeaway for marriage is the two of you woven together are better companionship assistance. All those things relationships are better to do in life together is better, but you can have strong and healthy relationships. Ones that will stand the test of time when Jesus is woven in as the third strand.
And I need you to, You are considering your relationships, the ones you are investing. In the ones, you are thinking about the ones that are wildcards in your life. Are they more likely to refresh you and restore you? Because Jesus is front and center in their life? Are they there to support you and encourage you and speak life into your relationship? Because you need to hear words that might be tough at times and also tender at times, are they there? And it's Jesus there. You see woven into your relationship a relationship without Jesus. With another person. It can be good and you can get by but it's not maximized.
And so here's what I want you to think about strong and healthy relationships as as you apply these principles to your life, their gift from God. They're vital, God designed us to be relational. God wants you, and I to have strong and healthy relationships, and here's what that takes, here's what those passages reinforced, here's what I believe. You need to think about in your relationships as maybe you narrow them and Shrink them, or as you add to your relationship Circle because you need this and you're missing it. Here's the things that I want you to think about: time plus work plus Jesus.
Equals a strong and healthy relationship, and those are not in order of priority. You all know which one needs to be there. No questions asked Jesus. But strong and healthy relationships take time. They just do.
Everyone who has a strong relationship, might. A lot of people would say to you, we just hit it off right away. We were like best friends on day one. I would say, probably bologna. You hit it off. You kind of like them. But the time that you spent with them, is what forged that relationship. There. Commitment to you, their Candor with you, their consistency for you developed and happen over time.
And relationships take work, if they want to be strong and healthy. Like God wants you to do the work. The tough work, the good work, the hard work, the beneficial work, which involves conversations, which involves activities, which involves a whole lot of things. Like those are the kind of friends that God wants you to have that God wants you, to be time plus work with plus Jesus that thread woven in will lead to a strong and healthy relationship. So I don't know where it is in your world relationally. Are you overextended right now and you need to shrink them down? Do you need to add someone to the mix to bless you spiritually? Because you need a friend who is more like Jesus and brings that to the table? I don't know where you're at, but I want you to look at those words time plus effort, plus Jesus equals strong and healthy relationships and desire that And then do that. By doing this. It's the takeaway that I want our church to have coming out of this series to relationally not burn out to not, let those wild cards Be Wild. And bad. But to be wild cards in a good way to bless us, refresh us, benefit us spiritually, physically and emotionally, here's the takeaway. I want you to think about wisely, invest in relationships that refresh. If those take time and they take work, understand that you can't be a friend to everybody.
If they take time and they take work, which ones are the most important and become the priority in your life. And choose wisely, invest in relationships that refresh.
And that's why if any of you send me an email or text me on a Friday and say, Hey, Pastor. Can we get together today? I have some things. I want to bounce off of you. I'm going to say no. And that's not because I don't love you. Because I love my wife. I'm going to wisely invest in that relationship because it is the most refreshing relationship to me.
He blesses me, she speaks candidly with me. I enjoy spending time with her. We like doing a lot of the same things together. So I choose to wisely invest in that relationship. I will pick that one over just about anyone.
And there might be a time when I have a guy to get away with at night, but there will never be a time where I have a guys get away week. Like I love my dude friends, but I'm going to wisely invest in that relationship. And you might say well, Pastor yeah, ditch your wife. You should. There's some of you here, who need to hear you should.
Like this relationship will bless your life more than any other relationship, husbands and wives. Find someone who loves Jesus, be someone who works. Give them time.
Which is why my life, sometimes these changes, and it will in yours. I'm going to wisely invest in relationships, that refresh. So, you know, that there will be times when instead of getting together with friends on a Friday or doing activities with others, I will choose the two-and-a-half-year-old little sweet girl called a two-page. Because my wife will say, she's the only thing that makes you smile like that. That refreshes me, no offense more than time with some of you. And that's okay.
I have a circle of about five couples that Holly and I spend time with. That they bless our life, in different ways. Sometimes we are in a larger group and sometimes it's just one couple. And there are many of you have said, has to be like to hang out with you. And I say I'd like to hang out with you too, but I probably won't ever go that deep with you because I don't have that much time. I want you to have that. But it might not be mean. Like that's what it looks like for me, I have guys and Pastors in my life because my wife can't provide everything and can't provide everything. Other couples can't give me things. I need spiritually, physically, emotionally, what does that look like for you? Who is that for you? Be content with wisely, investing in relationships that refresh you. You will not be disappointed. Healthy relationships are a gift from God. He will bless them and you will Thrive and will help you avoid burnout.
Which is why I want to share one more passage with you. Where's the motivation? What's the why behind wisely investing? The one who invested in you. But Jesus came down the created took on human flesh, so that you and I could have an eternal relationship with God and be in relationship with one another forever. I don't let that be lost on you. Like if you failed as a friend or if you have friends that have failed, you Jesus is the only friend, the ultimate friend who will always let you in. He will never let you down. You have that relationship, make that strong. And let that be healthy, and you will be blessed. And not only you, but you will be blessed in relationships with others. This is Love. Not that. We loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice, for our sins. God has brought you into relationship with him. Praise God. The love of God is known by you and since God so loved us. Here's why we need to do this wisely invested relationships, every fresh. We also ought to love one another. It's our opportunity to live with you first. It's our opportunity to bless and refresh others. It's our opportunity to let Jesus sign. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another God, lives in us, when, when you have healthy, strong relationships, and as a Christian, if that thread is woven in there, God is at work in you and his love is made complete. You are blessing, others, and you are being blessed in those relationships because of that relationship, A ship. Which is why I thank God. The people who have invested. In me, they given their time to bless me. They've been relationships that are gifts from God.
And when I say that, I think about him.
Like, I met him when I was 14. We met on the first day of school. My parents sent me off to MLS a boarding school in Michigan. I had one person from my couple for my class and Columbus at St. Paul's, that went there, my best friend was there but I knew nobody else. My first day of school ended with trying out for football practice. And that's when he walked in, We both got sent over to the offensive line area because we were bigger than most and that seemed like the logical place for the slow guys. Ask me after day one. If we would ever have been friends. I would have said, I probably said it differently as a fourteen-year-old, but I would say no, like, he was the most annoying, talkative, exhausting person I've ever met in my life.
And yet, for some reason, God kept leaving us together. We never lived together and roomed together for 12 years of school. He's the only friend and classmate from high school college and the Seminary that I still talk to.
In some ways besides the grace of God, he might be the reason why I'm still married today and still a pastor. And I view that as a gift.
And I miss my friend, I don't spend quality time with my friend. What is the love of God, that inspired him to remain a friend and work at it and take time at it, that I thank God for.
I thank God for Ski. But he's been a blessing in my life for 36 years, he's known me longer than anybody but my mom and dad and siblings. Relationships like that take work.
But healthy relationships like that will bless you spiritually, emotionally, and physically because they are gifts from God, wisely invest in relationships, that refresh.
